oh my gosh. i have no written in this thing in FOREVER. but tonight was something i had to put in writing. i don't ever want to forget it. it's one of those nights where you act completely goofy and dont care what anyone thinks of you because you are with the one person you care about the most. :)
so i was supposed to go for a walk with David around elm creek park today, but he cancelled our plans (and tried to bump them to a later time but that didnt work either). instead, i waited around my house until about 5:30 or so and went out to bdubs with Andy. it was like great timing too because the night before, i went out and got slushies with Ashley and vented about a whole bunch of things that made me jealous. so when i got home last night i really wanted to go out to dinner with Andy the next day (aka today) and tell him about everything Ash and I talked about. i got my wish :)
at bdubs, we were just kinda silly and i got my whole talk out of the way, even though it didnt really seem like he listened all to well. whatever. i felt better. haha. but when we went to the car, i totally locked Andy out. haha. he was too busy trying to wipe off the little signatures in marker from Erin and Drew. anyway.. i eventually let him in and he was all pouty and what not.
we headed over to aaron's game (which was under the lights at mgjh) and there was some major poutage going on. eventually we got over it and stuff and enjoyed the game where there was this really short coach from the other team who reminded us of a munchkin from the wizard of oz. haha. and then there was Andy with his cowpig and evil cow (with green eyes) noises going "moo" and "milk me" in a pretty intense voice. Abby brought us those little flowers from the clover patches and i was instantly put in the mindset of preschool and daycare. we would take those little flowers at recess and outside time to make jewlery. so automatically i started making a headband out of the flowers. when i finished, i put it around Andy's head and he was a little flower child. ha. the family whipped out the cameras and took pictures. and then i got a super tiny piggy back ride from Andy. first one of those ha. oh and aaron won his game. it was pretty good. :)
after the game, Andy and i were craving hot chocolate, so we went to caribou and starbucks but they were both closed, so we had to settle for ice cream at McDonald's. i got a cone and he got a shake and we went back outside and sat on the back of his car that he attempted to do a 90 degree park job with. haha. so we're sitting there eating the ice cream staring into the windows of McDonald's and a group of girls walk in and decide to sit right at the table in front of us. well... being teenagers, Andy and i start trying to make it look like we're doing dirty things to get the girls attention and creep em out. it totally worked too. :P haha. then ended up leaving and giving us some pretty funny looks.
eventually everyone cleared out of the parking lot and the rain started to come. so we kissed for a little bit in the rain and i pushed him onto his car so his back got soaked. then he dropped a nickel and a penny and we flipped them in the air and tried to catch em and had a whole bunch of fun with that. it was still raining and Andy wanted to learn how to do the cha cha. so i tought him what i knew of it and that was the beginning of our dancing in the rain. he made up the "Dabsonian Dance" and the "German Dabsonian Waltz" where you kick forward, one two three kick forward, one two three four kick backward, one two kick forward, one two three kick forward and dip. :) ah.
omg. it was just like the movies where the girl is dancing in the rain completely head over heals for the guy she is with and they are just dancing like nobody else is there, not caring if anyone was watching. it was a ton of fun. i always have a great time with Andy. he is like literally the best boyfriend ever. he is absolutely perfect for me. no.. scratch that. we're perfect for eachother. i love him. i truely do. and right now, spending the rest of my life with him doesnt sound too bad.
after the amazing time in the McDonalds parking lot, we went back to my house and just had this heart to heart talk. it started out talking about how amazing the night was and how its so nice that we can just be ourselves around eachother and not have to worry what the other person thinks. and then it went to yeah, we're crazy at times, but we can also be serious. eventually the conversation led to him going off to college and how difficult it will be and how i am going to ball my eyes out and we will completely collapse on the day he moves out. which led to how he is more emotional then most guys and cries at times and has deep thoughts and AH. the conversation was just sooo deep and sooo what i wanted to have that night. i love love love how comfortable we are with eachother and can just talk about anything like that. and then he gave me a huge hug which was just incredible on its own. i was like... this night could not have been any more perfect and i am WAY more than lucky to have a boy like Andy. I don't know how I ever managed to get his attention and somehow got him to like me. but im not complaining :P ahhhh. i love him. love him love him love him.
it's nights like this that i want to remember when he goes off to college. i want these nights to keep us together because i know that whenever i see him next, we can continue from where we left off and keep having amazing times like these. we have the potential. and i know we can do it. i have faith in him and i trust him with all of my heart. we will make it through. and who knows? maybe we'll even go to the same college some day. but thats another story.

this past week has not been very good.

i came down with the flu last saturday and still haven't fully recovered. i have a cold where my nose is constantly runny and the snot runs down my throat, making me gag. i can never get any sleep [although that's pretty normal for me]. i suffer from fatigue every day at school. i have no motivation to do anything and my mind isn't acting right. i guess i really shouldn't have gone to school last week until i was better. i couldn't even talk right for 5 days it was so bad. i gave 3 of my friends my sickness and mr. koenig. i feel so bad. yesterday mr. k couldn't even talk right. gah. it was like suffering from the same thing all over again except in a different body, ya know?

besides being sick, there is so much school stuff going on. so many projects for school are due this week and so many GIANT tests are coming up. i hate the last week of the trimester, but it means an easy first week of a new tri follows. i already got my urban renewal project and my crucible essay out of the way, but let me tell you, those weren't easy.

i'm not going to lie, i am a perfectionist. there isn't anything i can do about it. i'm not even proud to be one. you have no idea what it's like. if anything, it's a form of OCD. if something isn't done right, it needs to be fixed. i can't put things off until the very last second. that doesn't mean i can't procrastinate, but i can't wait until an hour before or anything. it needs to be done perfectly, detailed, and right. i HATE it when people start making fun of me for it. they always make fun of my note taking, my essays, daily work, anything. you name it and im sure its been made fun of. they just don't understand. we all have our ways of doing things, mine just has to be..perfect. you just got to be one to understand completely.

besides that, i have another paper to right, three tests to study for, and more daily work. i have no time for fun. i'm crabby, emotional, tired, and don't know what to do anymore.

to top it all off, the salad i'm eating is soggy and tastes old and sour. gross. 

winter break has been alrite. i've done pretty much nothing up until yesterday.

CHRISTMAS EVE:
we finally set up our christmas tree. then my mom and i went out shopping for things to make for christmas dinner and bought fabric for making no-sew blankets for my cousins. then for the rest of the day, i planned how tomorrow would work out and started making the first blanket out of the three i needed to finish. i only made one the night. the one for my 2.5 year old girl cousin named Isabella [she is a cutie]. the rest of the night i read Harry Potter: The Order of the Pheonix. Those books amaze me.

CHRISTMAS DAY:
i didnt wake up until noonish and sat around till two. Then my mom and i started making dinner and i made a pumpkin cheese cake for dessert. While making dinner and waiting for the meat to cook, i washed clothes and cleaned the house. my uncle and his family were supposed to come done from rosemount and eat dinner with us, but he decided his wife's family is more important than his own flesh and blood. it really bothers me when he does that. he always leaves our side of the family hanging and goes and spends time with her side. Don't get me wrong. i have absolutely nothing wrong with his wife. she's very nice for what i've seen. i just can't stand her good-for-nothing, snobby, rich, annoying, gotta-be-my-way, selfish family. but whatever. that's totally his choice on what family to be closer to. So i spent christmas with just my family who lives at my house and my older brother. we ate dinner, and when that was over, my brothers and i played risk. never in my life have i played that game before. it was okay. loads of fun at first, but then i got sick of it when i had no hope of winning. we didn't open presents until 10 o'clock. i got a zune, mittens, 10K gold necklace with a blue topaz charm, motion city soundtrack cd, white studded belt, and some giftcards. i guess nothing really exciting. my dad is taking his sweet time with loading the mp3 program onto the computer. he wont let me do it cuz he's afraid i'll mess the computer up. its a long story.

THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS & THE DAY AFTER THAT:
honestly, i read my book pretty much the entire day, finding any way to avoid doing my homework. i really dont want to do it. i have to write speeches to people i love and i have to do a river systems research project, which will take hours due to the fact that i cant find any information on my river whatsoever.

YESTERDAY:
the best day i've had in a long time. so, being me, i really wanted to do something in the world and make a difference. for the bast couple of weeks, i've had a really strong feeling towards that, and it got me thinking bout how we used to go to Feed My Starving Children through school. i knew that was how i wanted to spend my day and my mom was surprisingly all for it. my friend also wanted to hang out that day and i was like, "well im going to FMSC, you're welcome to join me if you like." and of course she did. so we went there and i was so excited. i was so anxious. i made sure we got there early so we could get in for sure [they did a first come, first serve volunteer basis at certain times in the day during the week]. and then when we got there, i was like, "omg! hairnets! aprons! it smells like chicken! and rice! yay! :)" ha. we watched the depressing video that they make u watch to show u just how sorry u should feel. then they led us back to the room. my friend, my mom, some girl, and i took over one station by ourselves. each of us had to do two jobs. there were only about 20 some people there in the beginning and their max is 60. so we were doing just fine at first whippen through bag after bag saying "chicken, veggie, soy, rice" to help us remember what order to put the stuff in. then about half way into our shift, a family comes and join us [mom, dad, and a little boy] apparently they are VERY religious people [if u didnt know it already, FMSC is a very religious organization]. the mom just couldnt stop quizzing everyone about their personal lives and she kept asking about if we came through church and what church we go to. i felt SO umcomfortable. i hate those situations. u know me. i dont go to church. and when i told her that, it shut her up. she didn't say a word to me for the rest of our shift. i was humiliated. honestly, i feel like crying when it comes to personal situations like that. wherever i go that involves worship, church, or God in any way.. i feel ashamed and filthy. whoever im with makes me feel wrong, like a demon child who will harm anyone that crosses its path. i hate it. i won't go with people to youth group anymore due to leaders pressuring me into answering questions i wasnt comfortbale with and forcing me into their religion. but yeah. that's a touchy subject. i only talk in detail about that to people im close with. ANYWAYS.. so when we were done, we ended up packaging over 11,000 bags of food which feeds 30 come kids 3 meals a day for a year. i was so proud and i felt amazing for doing something that will help others survive. i was in such a helping mood. i bought those little M&M things that u fill up with quarters and bring em back. immediatly when i got home, i started filling it. i've decided that any "normal" quarter i recieve [one with an eagal as the tail side or a duplicate of a state quarter that i already have], i will put it in the case. i can't wait to go back. i've been pestering my mom to take me this coming up week sometime after school when i dont have homework. if i could [which i know i can't] i would LOVE to go back every week and volunteer my time to help those starving kids. if not for them, i would find another organization and volunteer for that. just thinking about it makes me excited and happy inside. the next time i go, im planning to bring more people, it's more fun that way. if you wanna come with, just say something, and i'd be happy to take you. after FMSC, i went home and ate pizza, then went over to my friends house and we basically played apples to apples until i had to leave again. if i could, i would relive that day just for the joy it brought to me and others.

TODAY:
i got up really early and realized that we have to return some of the fabric that i was going to used to make the blankets for my cousins. it just shedded all over the place and was unworkable. so my cousins didnt get there presents. oh well. i'll see em soon. so, i got up early and showered and got ready to go tubing with my uncle and cousins. they were supposed to come over at 9:45 but didnt get here till 11:20. the little kids were hungry, so we had to go out and get fast food. you'll never guess where we ate at. MCDONALD'S. thee most disgusting place on the planet. i didn't want to tell my uncle how much i hate the place and force him to go to another place that wasn't convenient. that would have been rude. and i am not the kind of person who does that. i live my life trying to make those i love happy. i never do something that the other person wouldnt want to do and even im not having a good time, but the other person is, i suffer through it. idk. nvm bout that tho. so i ate chicken nuggets cuz i've had bad experiences with their burgers. i felt like a fat lard eating that crap. it makes me feel guilty and nasty inside and out. too much for me. ick. i also had pop for the first time in a long time. it was nasty. i got a dr. pepper, but it was like club soda with a teeny hint of corn syrup for flavoring. im not a pop person anymore and im glad. it's another thing that makes me feel guilty when having it tho. so after eating nasty stuff [its not even considered food in my book], we went to elm creek and had a blast. those little kids got a real kick outta the whole place and kept want to go again and again. whenever we got to the end of the lane, i had to pull em in the tubes until we got back to the top of the hill. they're lucky. i wish someone coulda pulled me. i got so warn out after tubing. when we were done and my uncle dropped me off at home, i just crashed and started reading harry potter again.

o0o and i totally get to go snowboarding for the first time on [this coming] saturday. =] my uncle is taking my brother and i out to a movie on friday night and we're going out to his mansion like house out in rosemount to spend the night. then bright and early saturday, we're driving to hutchington or something like that and going to a real nice skiing and snowboarding resort place thing with all the hills and what not. im excited, but this means throwing away my weekend. i won't have any time to do my homework and i wont have time to go dress shopping with kelsey on saturday. sunday im going to have softball games in the early morning and then again in the afternoon. two different teams each playing two games. i'll be out as soon as that last game is over. i always have so much going on. break has been nice not doing anything. im really going to miss sleeping in and not having to get anything done.

tomorrow i get to go bowling with a bunch of people. im not even 100% sure whats going on. i think jeremy is picking me up, but i dont know. whatever. it'll be fun. then monday is lauren's party, which i can't wait for. it's going to b so much fun, i just know it. which reminds me.. i need to come up with some new years resolutions. and i need to do homework tomorrow, but eh. screw that.